Bridesmaid expectations: what are they paying for?
You’ve asked your besties to be in your bridal party! They’ve said yes! And now, they’re asking what they should be planning for in terms of costs. How do you know what to tell them?
Know your bridesmaids
You know your friends best. Before making any big decisions, take a moment to think about where they are at in their lives. One bridesmaid may have just gotten a big promotion, whereas another just went back to school. Another bridesmaid might only be in your wedding, whereas another is in three other weddings this year. Evaluate where they are at, and if you want, check in with them.
BACHELORETTE EXPENSES
Bachelorette’s are tough because these days they are often a full weekend trip. Things to consider first:
How many of your friends will have to book flights? Is there a central location where everyone can fly direct?
How much notice can you give them?
Are you looking at a holiday weekend when there might be higher costs and more scheduling conflicts?
When it comes down to it, here is my opinion on bachelorette expenses:
If they are paying, they get input. It is reasonable to ask the group to split the cost of an Airbnb, but you then absolutely need to ask what their budgets are and respect them.
Big ticket activities should be optional. If you want to go to the mountains, amazing! But if a bridesmaid doesn’t want to pay for a lift ticket, that’s ok.
Clearly communicate plans. Let your gals know if there is a fancy restaurant you’re making a reservation for or what activities you’re planning. Then, hear them out if they have concerns.
Main theme here: If they’re paying for a weekend vacation, they reserve the right to have a reasonable amount of input, especially about the budget they are comfortable with.
BRIDAL SHOWER
Perhaps an unpopular opinion, but I don’t think you should ask your friends to get you a registry gift at your bridal shower and your wedding. We all know what this economy is like. (For my bridal shower, I chose a book theme. That way they could bring a gift, but it was about $20 / person. It was also fun and let people get creative! More fun opening books than pasta strainers.)
WEDDING WEEKEND
Things your bridesmaids should expect to pay for:
Their flights and hotel rooms / accommodations.
Their bridesmaid dresses and shoes.
Transportation that weekend (Ubers, rental cars) unless otherwise stated.
Meals outside of the wedding meal.
Things that you (the bride) should expect to pay for:
Alcohol / beverages while getting ready, as well as any snacks
Your half of the accommodations if you’re sharing a room with bridesmaids prior to the wedding night
Bridesmaid gifts (if you’re doing them!) these don’t have to be fancy, but are a nice gesture
Things that are optional:
Pajamas / getting ready attire: If you (the bride) want the gals to get ready in something specific, that’s a conversation. I think it’s sweet if you can cover some part of it if you are the one dictating what they wear, but if you give direction like "blue or green pajamas” then you can ask them to find something.
Hair and makeup: You (the bride) are paying for yours, but there are a few scenarios you can offer. First, you can offer to cover the girls entirely. Very generous! Second, you can offer to cover one service and ask them to choose if they want to pay for the other. (ie, you pay for hair and they can pay for makeup if they would like). Third, you tell them the pricing and let them choose what, if any, services they’d like to book. Note: You SHOULD NOT force them to pay for professional services if they don’t want them.
Above all else, communicate with your bridesmaids.
