brides & bridesmaids: let’s talk budget
Let’s face it, money is an awkward conversation topic. But when it comes to wedding planning, it’s unavoidable. We’re used to the idea of talking about our budget with wedding planners, vendors and family. But what about our bridal parties?
A common friction point - and at times, barrier - for bridesmaids is money. To avoid stress, drama and miscommunication, here are a few ways to approach talking about budget with your bridesmaids.
BRING UP BUDGETS BEFORE MAKING PLANS
Budget discussions shouldn’t start after the Venmo requests start being sent. Money is a sensitive subject, and something that can fluctuate a lot for friends in unforeseen ways. There can also be factors affecting finances that you don’t know about and that they don’t feel comfortable sharing. To avoid potential conflict or distress, reach out privately to each bridesmaid shortly after asking them to be in your bridal party. This could be on the phone, through text or even sending a quick survey on what they’re comfortable spending for different events and items. Just don’t wait and don’t assume that money isn’t a factor.
MAKE SURE YOUR MOH IS ON THE SAME PAGE
Often it’s the Maid of Honor(s) taking the lead on planning events like the bachelorette or bridal shower. We love a helpful bestie!! But make sure that you connect with her on budget limitations. It’s likely not all your bridesmaids know her as well as you do and they might not feel comfortable speaking up about budget restrictions. But since you already brought up the budget with them before making plans, you as the bride can say something discreetly. No need to call anyone out, but give her an idea of what you think is reasonable for each bridesmaid to spend. There is no better way for bridesmaid drama than a Maid of Honor planning a super expensive excursion that others can’t realistically afford.
KEEP THE CONVO GOING
When costs come up, keep the conversation open with each bridesmaid. As mentioned, things can come out of nowhere. One of your bridesmaids could have a huge vet bill arise for her dog, have a sudden loss of income, or have to pay for a car or home repair unexpectedly. We hope this doesn’t happen, but if it does, you want to know she can come talk to you.
BE FRANK
This goes for all the conversations above: be frank and to the point. Don’t beat around the bush or be vague with numbers. Be really honest - and maybe overestimate - what things will cost and what your expectations are. If everyone knows ahead of time what to expect for the costs of going to events and paying for things like their dress or hair and makeup, they can plan accordingly. AND they can communicate or work something out with you if anything is out of reach. It’s much easier to make an adjustment so that they can join for the bachelorette if they can tell you in advance.
Friendship over Photos
The most important tip, that I cannot stress enough, is this: these are your closest friends and family members, even if they can’t afford to participate in every way you envisioned. We dream of the epic bachelorette weekends and stunning designer gowns our friends will wear next to us at the altar. And all those dreams are good! But if reality means a friend can’t afford a weekend in Vegas or needs you to compromise on what her dress looks like so she can afford it, the friendship is more important than any photo opp. Your friends’ love for you doesn’t supercede their financial abilities. But their friendship is likely going to last long after the wedding day! And that is what matters.
